The Sanlitun Ya Show Clothing Market is your home for everything fake. I'm not even sure I was actually there. It seemed like at any moment they could just wheel away the walls leaving only a baron parking lot and hundreds of Chinese people trying to sell you dust.

Here's how it works:
You've set a price for a particular item in your head before you walk up to the stand. You express interest in said attractive item. They type into a calculator a comically high price, one you wouldn't even pay for the real thing in America. You laugh, actually laugh in their face. You laugh for as long as possible, maybe a minute or five. Then you come back with half of the price you had mind. They get pissy. They enter another number, only marginally lower than the original and you laugh again, maybe even spit-take. This calculator volley goes on for a couple minutes until they finally shove it in front you and ask the highest price you would possibly pay. You type in half of the half of the original price. When they say no, you storm off and express interest in the same item at the very next stand. Here's where it gets sad. They begin decreasing the price aloud in 10 Kuai increments, often grabbing you, stomping the floor, or hitting the item with the back of their hand, until they finally arrive at, and agree to, your asking price. Wala! You're the proud owner of knockoff Tommy Bahama shirt for $3.00! No one at your family barbecue or country club function is the wiser, and your shirt looks as baggy and breathable as the one they sell in the pro shop.

I found myself bargaining for things I had no intent on ever buying just for haggling sake. Who's the wild man now, Rudy?