You've all seen that ultimate souvenir T-shirt from your spring break in Cancun, South Padre Island, or The Bahamas. It reads:
1 Tequila...2 Tequila...3 Tequila...Floor!

Well, cruising through a market the other day, I saw a T-shirt with a similar message on it. Realizing it was a popular souvenir commodity among tourists at other destinations, the business savvy Chinese decided to recreate and sell this T-shirt. Problem was, they completely missed the joke. So, the Chinese version reads:
1 Vodka...2 Vodka...3 Vodka...Drop Dead!

So with that, comes the introduction of a new segment here on Fear Monger:

Botched Translations and Grave Misunderstandings:

Take this product, for example. Nothing says clean like freshness of Charcoal Bodywash. You're not fully clean unless you're...charcoaly clean? Those of you who've ever used a charcoal grill know how spotless and attractive smelling it remains after your 4th of July barbecue. With the radiating scent of volatile chemicals and ash mixed with lighter fluid, you'll heat up the dance floor while on fire with the ladies.

If I'm Charcoal Bodywash, I'm aggressively rethinking my North American product launch.



This sign, I think, was for a gym, a healthy club if you will. The misuse of adjectives and verbs aside, I don't understand how video plays into the equation at this establishment. Is it a gym with a swim-up movie rental facility?



The following is an explanation as to why this particular art gallery was not open for business...in ebonix.

Tragically, on this street there is no coronet playing. How oppressive.




But what about after filming sex scene in a B movie? The script calls for smoking in bed g-d dammit!


And finally, a dream come true. My favorite beer, the oldest beer in the world, manufactures bottled water. That's right people, PBR H2O is a major player in the water business here in China. Those of you who know me know how genuinely excited this makes me. And those of you who don't should ask somebody who does.